i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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