"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
