You're so nebulous sometimes
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
