Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
