If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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