but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
