He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
