I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
