oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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