Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
