I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
