I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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