separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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