Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
