Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
