oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize