Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
