She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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