he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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