Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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