Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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