My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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