I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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