When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
