i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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