Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh god the rape fog is back!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
