He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
