it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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