just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
