i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
