His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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