I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
