y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
