i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
