Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
