I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
