I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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