Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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