So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
