The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
