First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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