we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
