shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
