Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
