remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pants are for mortals
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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