she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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