eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
