Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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