my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They took my balls.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
