This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
