And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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