apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
