Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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