dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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