you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
