After last night, I could never be a politician.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish i was in the wii world.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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