u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
