My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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