I'm sorry my penis didn't work
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
