I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
