Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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