After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
