Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
