the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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