Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
