she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
