my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
