So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
