saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize