yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
