I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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