he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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