The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
